Whole Again ❤❤

he touched me

And I thought I would be ruined forever

Then He touched me

And time stood still

He touched me

And I became whole again 

He touched me

And I was home 

He touched me

And my soul took flight

He touched me

And it was gentle

He  touched me

And the storm within me subsided

He  touched me

And the tears stopped flowing.

Sobbing like a babbling brook, tripping over every scar and wound

that had been left open

He  touched me

And I felt safe

He touched me

And I felt safe

He  touched me

And I felt safe...

You touched me

And reminded me what wholesome touch was.

You touched me and I saw

That I could be healed

You touched me and my truths

could no longer be concealed.

And even though you are long gone

My body remembers

My Black Is Not for Sale😠

A collaborative piece I wrote with another brilliant poet.

Dear white people,

My black is not for sale

So stop putting a price on it and tryna sell it to the highest bidder

Or package it nicely like some Thanksgiving dinner

My black is not for sale

So keep stealing our intellectual property and claiming like it’s yours- THIEF 

Stop acting like we weren’t the ones who taught you hygiene, mathematics, philosophy and architecture.

Stop acting like you did us a favour by selling us the American dream

Which was really all a lie so you could keep underpaying us while we built your economy, your schools, your nation... while our home was left unguarded and under attack

My black is not for sale

So tell your women to stop injecting their lips tits and ass so they can look like Sarah Baartman- they will never

My black is not for sale

So stop commodifying my culture to further your economy while leaving my people destitute

Dear white people

My black is not for sale

So stop spreading division through your colorist agenda 

My black is not for sale

So stop using token black folk to advertise your company when your company would NEVER let a black person be in a position of power

My black is not for sale

So stop looking at me like BBC and BBW are the only categories I can fit into

My black is not for sale

SO STOP COPYING ME 

My black is not for sale

So stop copying my flows and my verses, stop acting like you about that thug life when your privilege can afford you immunity from oppression

So stop incarcerating our men so you can get free labor

My black is not for sale

So stop using my people as quotas to fill to show how diverse and inclusive your company is

My black is not for sale

So stop killing us and harvesting our organs to sell in the black market

My black is not for sale

And it’s not something you can afford

See you got blood on your hands now

And no matter how much you keep denying that you are a beneficiary of the atrocities your ancestors committed, the truth will remain.

My black is not for sale

Dear Readers🙌

April 15th 2020

Welp...I haven't exactly found the groove to my blogging style but my method has always been in the form of a letter..mainly because I'm a hopelessly romantic Pisces that loves hand-written letters.😁

So..

Dear reader💕💕

Its been awhile since I blogged. I'm currently writting to you from a shelter. My beloved cousin Nzalu passed away last year and part of my grieving process is reading his blogs. It has re-lit a blazing fire towards my passion for writing.

He had a blog on wordpress (eww) but he was a BRILLANT and hilarious writer. I legit aspire to write like him. Im finna print off all his blogs and start highlighting his punch lines😆 ...I mean this guy was insanely witty and had a way of translating it into writing. He had a whole commentary about burkinis with word play. Brilliant I tell you. And apparently his sister would help him edit the blogs as well! I think writing is yet another thing that runs in our family. If you want to see for yourself what I mean, I will add the link below. 

In one of his posts he mentioned that he took a hiatus and would publish more...he never did. And that made me think holy shit I have at least 10 blogs I never posted,... What if I die and no one ever reads them..?😐

 

Then I saw this meme in my poetry group  that even if no one reads my blog, I should still write!  Same with my poetry, music and every other creative thing I do that goes unrecognized.

It begs the need to reflect as to whether we would create if we didn't have an audience or the prospect of one.

I will admit initially it was about views and hoping people read my work. But traffic on my page has slowed down significantly from the time I started. This is because I wasn't posting as often, but also because I was no longer writing to a particular audience ( predominantly Christian). But I see now how having a niche made a huge difference.

But even more importantly, I realized that my art/work is still important even if no one ever reads it.😁

Now...I have a couple more blogs sitting in my drafts that I've been embarrassed to post because lorttttt that manic brain is on a whole different plane of existence😩😬. But also the shame is part of a larger issue;the internal stigma about having bi-polar disorder that I strive to unpack.  I should explore that in another post sometime

But what's a blog anyway😩😩? An online diary? Lol ...I've matured in different ways since I started this blog, so this is out of my comfort zone not having some type of direction. Now its time to test whether that whole phrase "growth happens outside of your comfort zone" is real

I appreciate you bearing with me while I collect the courage to sift through past entries and give birth to a glimpse into my mind. 

Stay tuned for the next posts. They are some poems I have been working on 😁

Until next time my dearest readers.

Sincerely,

Lady Emm💅💖💜💫

Changes

Dear reader,

Have you ever been cruising through life, the sun was shining, bees🐞 were buzzing and the crisp air made you glad to be alive? And then SUDDENLY, a storm hit you out of nowhere and the nightmare began; your spiritual life got off track,  finances were looking sparse,💰 and even your friends and family couldn't console you. And you contemplated : wouldn't all of this be easier if I were no longer here? Wouldn't that solve all my problems? And just as you were about to jump off the cliff, the Lord threw you a life line at a time that seemed catastrophically late. And you reached for that rope, held on for dear life and allowed him to pull you up until you were on solid ground. And now here you are, in the midst of another storm and somehow, you've managed to forget  how God came through for you last time.  Some of us like to say "won't He do it?" But I would like us to reflect on these questions : 

Why do we think He won't come through for us this time? Why is this time different? Why is it harder to trust and believe this time around? 

He proved himself to us before and so many other times we didn't take note of. .. so why do we think this time will be different? I realize it's a different storm and it looks/feels scarier than the last one, but He promised us that He would never leave us nor forsake us. He won't start now just because this storm is unfamiliar territory to you. He will lead you and guide you through this storm and the next one.  He will either calm the storm or give you peace during the storm. Please try and remember this when you're going through. 

Deut 8:2
"Remember how the LORD your God led you through the wilderness for these forty years, humbling you and testing you to prove your character, and to find out whether or not you would obey his commands."

May the Love of God continually give you strength to stand on solid ground

Lovingly,

Sister Emm <3

Do Your Best and Let God Do the Rest

Do your best and let God do the rest

By:  Mbula Mutheu Enobong

Someone once told me that half the work is showing up. I didn’t realize how true that would be for me until I hit rock bottom.

I had just received the diagnosis of bipolar disorder, a mood disorder, and was going through all the emotions that come with such life altering news. Emotions like fear, anxiety, confusion and anger filled my mind and I felt like I couldn’t find answers to all my questions. Would I ever find true love despite the illness? Would I ever achieve my dreams?  Make my mark on the world? Could I be a contributing member of society? Being labelled with a mental illness was like confirming all the insecurities I ever had about myself.   I asked God why He was letting such an awful thing happen to me. After all, I had been a faithful Christian, doing my best to live holy. When I didn’t get an answer, I decided to turn my back on God and my church. I decided I would be able to find the joy and happiness I once had in a bottle of alcohol or on the dance floor at a nightclub. However, I could find no comfort there. Depression and sadness followed me everywhere I went until I didn’t know where to go to find relief for the pain, sadness and confusion that I felt. As I contemplated suicide, one thought constantly kept coming to me “I’m going to have to answer to God as to why I took my own life”. Despite that thought, I continued to fantasize about different methods and began to mentally write a suicide note to my family.

Throughout that grim time, I somehow managed to keep a steady job in the community, running a kindergarten program for the families.  Thankfully, doing work that I loved made it easier to get out of bed in the morning because I had something to look forward to; something to live for. I did my best by showing up for work and God did the rest.  Parents would write emails to my supervisor saying how much they appreciated my work. In all honesty it was the bare minimum, but it was the best I could do at the time. And yet, even though I had turned my back on God, He hadn’t turned His back on me. I felt as though God was saying to me “Even in your darkest hour, I am with you” He loved me at my darkest just like it says in Romans 5:8. He loved me and sent me encouragement because He knew what I needed to keep on fighting. Those words of encouragement (and other tools) helped me to come out of depression and suicidal thoughts.

I encourage you today dear reader. God sees your pain and your heart aches and He knows just what it will take to pull you through. He won’t leave your or forsake you, that’s His promise (Deuteronomy 31:6) He knows how to heal your broken heart and He knows how to save you from your self-destructive ways.

He wants to pour love and grace into you, but first you have to open the door of your heart and let Him in. He’s a gentleman and He won’t barge in uninvited.

I pray that if you are in a place of despair or hopelessness and don’t know where to turn, that you would start by trusting your life in God’s hands. I pray that you allow Him to heal and change your heart and that you find something worth fighting for, worth living for.  Remember to do your best and let God do the rest.

In The Middle Of The Storm, Lord Help Me To Remember What I Believe

Dear Reader,

Life is great at throwing your curveballs. How will you respond? It really does all come down to how you respond.

I challenge you today. I challenge you to choose to respond by believing that Jesus is using every situation, every circumstance, every challenge, every pain, every unanswered question in your life, to conform you to His image.

I challenge you to choose to believe that, crazy at it sounds\seems, He's got it under control and He's willing to help you if you humbly admit that you need His help to continue on.

Choose to believe that He's working it out for your good, even though you can't see how right now.

Choose to believe in His power to carry you through when you are too weak to walk the long road by your own strength.

It can be hard to remember what we believe about God and His ability to save\help us in the middle of the storm.

For me He has sent reminders, especially through His word and through His people.

I'm giving God thanks today for a solid reminder of His ability to save and help the lost and the broken.

He did it for me, why wouldn't He do it for you?

Sincerely,

Lady M

The Battle Continues

African Princess WarriorCourtesy of: kiratheartist.deviantart.com

Isaiah 45:2

"I will go before thee, and make the crooked places straight: I will break in pieces the gates of brass, and cut in sunder the bars of iron."

Thank you Jesus for this word of encouragement in this season of my life. Thank you for setting me free so I can truly worship you in Spirit and in truth and SERVE you with gladness of heart.


THANK YOU!


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Dearest Friends/Readers,

My deepest apologies for not having written for such a long time.

To be quite honest, I let someone's opinion about a blog I wrote stop me from writing. 

Yes.

I was so hurt by what they said and I felt that if they knew or truly cared about me, they would know that I am sensitive and somewhat insecure when it comes to "Is my writing good enough?"

I will try not to blame the person too much, but I am trying to convey to you how deeply this person's statement/comment hurt me. I re-did the blog (so it was no longer raw) so that it was a nicer, more sugar-coated version of what really happened to me, and that experience left me bitter and caused tension in the relationship even though I interacted with them on a daily basis.

What am I trying to say here folks?

I'm trying to say that people who don't TRY understand you, what you're about, where you've come from, who you are now and where you are going will be quick to preach or advise you on matters that they know nothing about. 

AND GUESS WHAT??

THAT'S OKAY!!!

Because YOU know what you're about, YOU know what God's will is for your life and YOU are the one who will have to carry the cross, not them.

So as my jamaican friends would say

"Nuh bodda wid dem business. Juss gwan fi yeself"

So I would now like to take this time to write a letter of apology for myself.


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Dearest Lady M,

I am so very deeply and utterly sorry that someone you trusted, cared for, loved, appreciate, respected made a hurtful, unkind, unthoughful comment about your writting. I believe that it is because they did not realize or understand what your insecurities are, and how hard it already has been for you to muster up the courage to write in your blogs.  

All I can say to you cherie is that I'm glad that you've decided to get back up again and continue fighting this battle.

I am so proud of you cherie.

You have come quite far.

And guess what? This is just the best part; THE BEGINNING of the journey!

Time and Jesus on your side has helped to heal this wound so that it does not fester and affect other parts of your life.

Jesus loves you cherie, and He will never let you stay for too long in the miry clay or waiting on the poolside for 30+ years waiting for healing.

He loves you cherie and He wants you to learn to see yourself the way He sees you.

Remember to pray and forgive that person over and over again if ever the pang of hurt comes up again. And of course you know the devil will try and throw this back up in your face but  guess what? IT'S ALREADY UNDER THE BLOOD OF JESUS!

Congratulations cherie.

Welcome to the next level of faith.

I admire your passion, your tenacity, your lovingkindness towards those who you consider your enemies, and I know that you are not like this of your own unction. I know that JESUS has done and IS doing a wonderful work in you.

He has taken you out of the darkness and into the light. From a low place, onto higher ground. From sinking sand to solid ground.

Give Him all the honour that is due cherie, for HE is worthy. HE is Jehovah-nissi, the one who FIGHTS on behalf of YOU (because He CHOOSES to)

How blessed and highly favoured are you that He would take time to fight all these battles for you?

You can't say now that you don't know how much God loves, and even if you still need confirmation or a reminder, it's already in your spirit and you know where to go to remind yourself.

In the name of Jesus,

be BLESSED young lady,

 be BLESSED in the name of Jesus!

Grow, blossom, emerge from your cocoon, come out from under your juniper tree, come forth as a young lady and a young woman, and EXERCISE your faith in He who is ALPHA AND OMEGA.

Step into what YOU know God is calling you to be and do!

Jesus has already won the victory for you when He said "It is finished"

So without further ado,

GO GET 'EM TIGER

Lots of love,

the love that resides within you,

Mbula Mutheu Enobong (April 10th 2014)