Raw

Dear Single Ladies Who Have Already Had Sex...

As of a month ago, it's been a year since I stopped having sex (Hallelujiah thank you Jesus)

I know some of you out there are virgins (and praise the good Lord for it, hold it down soldier!) and some of you aren't, so if you're uncomfortable reading, please go ahead and close the screen.

If you ask me today whether or not I regret starting to have sex at a young age I will say no because the experience I have gained and the lessons I have learned will not only put me in a position to help others whose spirits are grieving but most importantly for the glory of God.

I write this to you because I know what it's like to have angry sex
...I know what it's like to give a part of yourself that you think is ALL of yourself and ALL of your love only for it to be thrown back in your face

... Baby-girl I  know what it's like to LIVE for the high that comes with the knowledge and power you have over a man just by dangling the IDEA of you in his bed.

... I know what it's like to have sex with someone because you want what you THINK is his love and THEIR way of showing you love.

...but most of all, I know what it's like to be so caught up in sex, lust , passion and desire, that you forget who you really are and why you're really hurting in the first place.

I know it all because I was once that girl...

That girl that thought she was a bad b**** because she graded her value or her desirability based on how many guys were blowin' up her phone or how many guys she was dramatizing over.

I've been there in the heat of the moment, enjoying sexual pleasure only to discover that the aftermath SUCKED.

Why?

Simply because it was not with the right person.

My darling...

Please wait for the right person.

When I say the right person, I don't mean that yeah he's hot ,he's got good jeans (genes), he's got talent, got smarts and is old enough...

I say it has to be the right person because only God knows who that right person is FOR YOU and only God can bring that person into your life to help fulfill your most intimate and sexual desires.

The reason why only God can do it is because he knows that if sex is not being SHARED properly, someone is either getting used or getting hurt.

When sex is in marriage, the love between the couple has already grown and there is no room for selfishness.

It has  literally taken me a year of consecration,and intermittent seasons of fasting to spiritually break up and break off the guys from my past- whether we have had sexual relations or had foreplay. Either way, the Lord showed me how they affected me spiritually.

 When someone else's spirit affects you, it also affects everything else in your life; your mental state, emotional state and physical state. 

If you chose to, monitor the aftermath next time you have sex with someone out of marriage.  If they're angry or going through drama in their life, see how quickly you get caught up in the whirlwind or how quickly THEIR problems become yours or how all of a sudden YOUR problems become too big to handle along with his...just watch and see, it's no joke.

All the same, thanks be to the Lord God, the Alpha and the Omega, the one who knows me and understands me best, but most of all, my merciful and patient savior Jesus, because DAILY He is teaching me how to crucify my flesh with Him on the cross and hold on for better days

So as Sister Grant said : Everything is under the blood and if he's (spouse) still got a problem with my past then I need to move on.

I am imperfect in my sin and so is my future husband. Henceforth, only a perfect God can bring two imperfect people together.

And the only time God approves of two imperfect people coming together is through marriage.

Even if you don't believe in marriage or believe in God, or believe in waiting for marriage before having sex,

I suggest all the same taking your time to really get to know the guy first, even if it takes you five years before you REALLY trust him and are comfortable with him.

Because a man who respects you and cares about your spiritual, emotional, physical and psychological well-being will even wait until the last day of his dying breath to get nookie. 

THAT'S WHAT LOVE IS ABOUT.

And marriage,as a commitment, is a covenant before God that only intensifies and strengthens the love you already have and share. 

Real love goes beyond sex and touchy feely and kissy kissy. How do you think married couples in their 80's
do it once the viagra no longer works?

Tip of The Ice Berg (Part III )

Let me end with this:
1 Corinthians 6:18 calls us to:
"Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body"

Therefore, whether it is lust, fantasizing, masturbation or fornication: sin crouches at the door, beginning with just a thought.

So before you run along with the thought, take a second and breathe. Jesus faced temptation, and battled tempation with scripture; you can too. Infact, you NEED to if you're really serious about winning this battle over fleshly desires.

You CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens you. He lives in YOU after all and

2 Corinthians 12:9 says:

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness


How will you know that you are ready for LOVE?

Love cannot possibly come from lust since we have already established lust is selfish.

Love is selfless...as Christ showed us.

1 Corinthians 13:4

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud

So...

--> When you would do anything for that person (including laying down your life as Christ did for us), you know you're ready

--> When you're willing to be patient with their antics or immaturity or kind enough to show them compassion or sympathy regardless of them hurting you, you know you're ready.

--> When you see them with someone else and the first thing you do is compliment them on a good choice, you know you're ready. #killjealousy

--> When you have gone beyond lusting,fantasizing over the best case scenarios with a person and you allow yourself to just be in the moment with that person.

You will know because it will not matter whether they are with you, or around you, or whether you will never see them again.

    Be content with where you are in your relationship with that person and take note of what it has taken for you to get to that point (hint: being yourself)

Most importantly; trust in God.

HE is the ORIGINAL and TRUEST author of love-stories.

And once you are content and submissive to the will of God, whether it works out for you or not, room for true love to blossom and grow between the both of you (or who God has in store for you) will be created.



Tip of The Ice Berg (Part II)

Let's be real.

We all battle with lust.

We see a particularly good looking creation of God and we go BEYOND appreciating what the Lord has created and we get greedy, lustful and desiring of that person's affection\attention (with no intention of giving anything back)

[The dictionary's definition of lust is "1) intense or unrestrained sexual craving, or 2) an overwhelming desire or craving] - http://www.gotquestions.org/what-is-lust.html

Matthew 5:28 goes to say: "But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart"

So let me clarify.

There is NOTHING wrong with getting butterflies in your stomach when you see someone that is pleasing to your eye (or being in their company)

Where the Bible condemns us is what we DO with these feelings of attraction or what I like to call appreciation of God's creation....

You see, lust has only one thing in mind- self-satisfaction.

Christ has NEVER been about self-satisfaction but rather the act of being completely and utterly selfless.

...and from lust, we move to fantasy and from fantasy we move to crossing boundaries and before you know it ..." Girl, you'll never guess what happened last night" 

PREVENTATIVE MEASURES:

--> PRAY (call out to Jesus everytime a lustful or fantastical thought comes through #truestory)

--> FAST

--> PRAY SOME MORE

--> PRAISE GOD AND THANK GOD FOR THE AFFLICTION (#truestory)

--> Be FRIENDS first!

--> Cut out the pet names! Friends don't call each other baby, boo, HUSBAND, mami or papi!

-->If you're having a late night talk, make it a point to discuss everything BUT how you "feel" about each other (girls I know this sounds hard)

--> The flirtatious texting needs to stop! If he is your friend, be a lady and do not lead a brother on or send him mixed signals- you wait for HIM to send the signal and then you can send one back.


--> Get to know him in a GROUP setting. You will see that maybe he ain't all that you cracked him up to be, whether or not he's built like an Adonis.



PART III TO BE CONT'D

Tip Of The Ice Berg (Part I)

Hmmm...

SEX

Today I feel the need to address this subject because it's an issue that seems to plague us all whether or not we are Christian or non-Christian, believers or non-believers, virgins or non-virgins.

Most importantly, I want you all to know that just because I have the Holy Ghost living in me or that I follow Christ and am committed to following His cause, does not mean I don`t have an ugly past or that I do not struggle with afflictions.

In my observations, it is a topic that is subliminally spoken throughout the day with our co-workers, loved ones and yes even those we consider "holier than thou"

So God help me, I'mma lay down my observations, comments and queries:

LADIES, THIS IS AN IMPORTANT NOTE FOR YOU:

Please, do not go down this lane.---> FANTASIZING. When you start to fantasize and dream about what a guy would be like if he touched you or kissed you, not only do you ruin the reality of it ever happening and killing how magical it would be IF and WHEN it did happen, you are also building up an expecation of him that he will most likely fail (he is not in your head)


BEEF NUMBER ONE

--> When having a conversation with a guy that you like or are interested in... and whether or not he is saved ladies, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT discuss YOUR sexuality, YOUR preferences, YOUR fantasies, YOUR sexual history with him or around him UNLESS it's a conversation between the two of you and you are about to cross that threshold and HE is also sharing HIS sexuality and HIS preferences and HIS fantasies and HIS sexual history.

KEEP THE MYSTERY

**Johnny: "When I hear a girl, whether I'm into her or not, tell me about her sexual preferences or talk about sexuality at all, I'm making small mental notes JUST incase in the future anything goes down"

Ladies, do NOT give men like Johnny and the like, have this power over you.

Once they know what turns you on, or what you like, at any chance they see your guard down they WILL pounce. It is called testosterone #truestory

That is why THEY chase and YOU'RE the one that's supposed to stay BEING chased.

I'm going to stop here and gather my thoughts for part two...

Please comment below and let me know of your questions\opinions.

**Names have been changed to protect the individual

Honor Thy Mother and Father...

Boyz II Men- A Song For Mama

Sorry for the late post folks but...


I had written and re-written and nothing seemed to be coming from the heart until I finally wrote out what I was afraid to write...


And it goes a lil something like this:


Ephesians 6:12 
"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."

Today's wrestle started in the morning with my mother and whatever spirit seems to be...for lack of better word...controlling her or occupying her.

In the past, when I have stood up to her in terms of my belief in Jesus Christ, she has literally (verbally) beaten me down because she is also well-versed and Biblically knowledgeable.

But today the Lord showed me that in the past I was so weak and not able to stand up to what she (or the spirit behind it) was saying because I lacked the Holy Ghost living, thriving and growing in me! 


The Holy Ghost is not only empowering but is actually and fully 100% doing the work of the Lord IN you and THROUGH you. 

 -> Can't get that kind of knowledge, assurance and feeling anywhere else in the world;guaranteed.

...all this to say that regardless of the fact that I love my momma, and that although we fight at times over THE most ridiculous things, I still have to do what the Lord says in his commandment: "Honor thy mother and father"- it doesn't matter whether she is a believer or not. 

This commandment has been one of the hardest to follow lately and at first I kinda just did it my own way but that sure as h e double hockey sticks was not working at all so the Lord gave me an idea- "Why don't you just ask me to SHOW you how to follow this commandment and put it into action?"

 So I did and I can't even begin to explain how humbling this experience has been.

Learning to hold back my tongue, take her advice with a grain of salt, hear where she's coming from, learning to be selfless, learning to be considerate, learning to be patient, not roll my eyes and sigh and give attitude, not scream and yell and shout and bang doors? 


If I continue to be stubborn and continue on the same path of my disobedience it will really only cause misery in my life, sooooo why bother? 


Why bother holding on to grudges and past pains and past she saids?

That's why I say,


Lord,


CHEERS(thank you Lord) to Godly-directed change in my household.

CHEERS to inviting the Lord into my home and heart and having Him come and live and stay and dine with us and sleep among us.

CHEERS to allowing the Lord to work in my heart through my mother and working my mother through me.


CHEERS to the Lord hearing our cries.

CHEERS to MORE love, MORE life, and MORE laughter in this home


Thanks be to God for blessing me with such an amazingly, beautiful, intelligent and graceful mother..

but most of all..

CHEEEERRRSSS (God bless you) to Single MOTHERS everywhere.


 I don't know how you do it but I know the Lord is a good and faithful Father and can be counted on in the worst of situations

oxo

Thank you all for reading and I appreciate any and all of your comments.


Cheers and God bless you all


-Lady Em and Queen Tanishya

Fear Not...

Good morning friends,


I pray that this past week the Lord opened up your eyes to His presence in your life, but also opening up your eyes to His will and His plan for your life. I say this because I am seeing evidence of it DAILY in my walk of faith (and this is just the beginning)


These past few weekends have been a complete blessing. The weekend before last I was at a women's prayer summit that truly encouraged me and blessed me with tips on how to better exercise my walk with God and my faith in Him.


I had heard people say this walk takes commitment but I hadn't taken it the step further that was required- spending intimate time in HIS presence, ALONE.


Matthew 6:6 "But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private. Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you."

I sometimes do a prayer shopping list of what I want (boyfriend, better finances, good grades, better weather) and there is nothing wrong with that because the Bible says:

John 16:24 "Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete"

But what about what God wants? If Jesus is our everything (father, friend, LOVER...) then how can we continue to treat Him like this is a one way street? 

How can I serve you today Lord? I may be afraid of what you ask me to do but Lord, YOU are my strength and I can do all things through YOU because YOU strengthen me. 

This thing of fear needs to be killed. What I love about God is that He knows we have questions and fear of the unknown, so if we trust in Him alone, He says:

 Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope

 and goes on to say: 

Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand"

From this day forward, let us ingrain these promises into our hearts and minds so that when fear of the unknown comes up, we can just battle these thoughts with these verses!

Thank you for reading my blog. I look forward to hearing your feedback.

God bless you

-Queen Tanishya (a.k.a Mbula Enobong)